Q: Your company offers the most beautiful and amazing products! How do I buy them?
A: Thank you. For people with a highly developed sense of taste and style, such as yourself, we offer both retail and wholesale opportunities for purchase.
On the retail side, you may buy directly off of this website. For more info click on the “To Order” link on the main pages. If, however, one of our wholesale accounts operates in your zip code, instead of your order being placed you’ll receive a message noting that retail establishment’s address and phone number.
We also participate in numerous art and craft shows throughout California. We enjoy doing these shows and it gives us a chance to get feedback from retail customers so that we can improve our products and offer the colors and styles that you really want.
On the wholesale side, you’ll have to be operating a bonafide business. Click on the “Wholesale” link on our home page, fill out the requested information, and you’ll be granted access to the wholesale section of our site.
We also show at various trade events in California, Hawaii, Nevada, Oregon and Washington. There is a schedule of our upcoming shows listed on the wholesale pages.

Q: Can I have a catalog?
A: I don’t know, can you?

Q: O.K., MAY I have a catalog?
A: No, you didn’t say please.

Q: May I PLEASE have a catalog!?
A: No.

Q: AAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!
A: Come on, this is 2008! Why kill trees for a paper catalog when everything you need is right here on site? There are numerous manners in which to arrive at our product offering pages on this site . . . even a product listing to make it really easy. But we don’t do printed catalogs . . . if you really must, you can print out the pages of our site.

Q: Are you always this difficult to deal with?
A: Not at all . . . just most of the time. Really though, it’s all about you; and first, foremost, and lastly, you need to be a nice person. No, really! Life is too short to deal with grumpy or rude people . . . so we don’t. We’d rather turn down your business than deal with your crap . . . mmmmmmm, our new sales slogan? So here’s a few hints:
1. Keep the attitude at home, we obviously have enough of our own so we don’t need yours.
2. We try to make dealing with us as hassle and problem free as possible. But if a problem does arise, let us know . . . nicely . . . and we’ll resolve it immediately.
Pretty simple, huh? See we really are nice people!

Q: It doesn’t sound like your business will ever be a real success . . .
A: First, that’s not a question.
Second, it depends on how you define success.
Will we ever be a Fortune 500 company? No. But then that’s not our goal.
Branch Earth isn’t about profits, it’s about making a living to enjoy life. Hence, (I like the word hence) too much business isn’t a good thing . . . it gets in the way of family, friends, and seeing the world. Visit the Rambling pages of this site and you’ll get a better idea of our company and how we define success.

Q: So you don’t take business seriously?
A: No, business is serious to us . . . because we have a lot of people depending on our company: those that supply the goods we use to make products as well as our wholesale accounts. We take that responsibility and our commitments very seriously. And we feel our primary duty is ensuring the success of those with whom we do business. Our success flows from that . . . it’s kind of a karma thing.
But we strongly believe business should be fun and enjoyable as well as profitable. So our company’s policies have been set to reflect that belief.

Q: What is your company’s Mission Statement? A: To not have one. Mission statements are a nice idea, but are rarely executed well. And really, their whole purpose is to define who and what your company is . . . deal with us and you’ll know that from the get go . . .

Q: Where are you located?
A: Our address is on the bottom of all of the main pages of this site. See, there is such a thing as a stupid question!

Q: Can we visit your showroom?
A: I don’t know, can you? OK, we did this already so I’ll excuse your use of poor English.
No. We don’t have a showroom. We have an office and warehouse. And if we allowed visitors, our insurance premiums would go up. Use this website, visit us at one of the shows, or, if you operate a retail establishment, give us a call and we’ll come visit you.

Q: Do You Offer Discounts?
A: No. We’ve already priced our merchandise reasonably. As everything we offer is handcrafted, large orders can actually be a bigger hassle for us than it’s worth . . . so we won’t reward you with lower prices.
We also don’t offer discounts for paying up front or before your invoice’s due date. To do so, we’d have to raise our prices to ensure we’re still making the profit we need to continue staying in business.

Q: What forms of payment do you accept?
A: Cash is good! Retail purchases on this site may be paid using PayPal. On the wholesale end, you may pay by credit card (Visa, MasterCard) at the time of order. After you’ve established an account with us, we offer net 15 day terms . . . but payments must then be made by check. We do not offer COD for either wholesale or retail customers.

Q: How come so many of the graphics on your pages that are links are not highlighted as such?
A: We require a certain level of intelligence of our customers . . . this helps us weed out those we’d find lacking.

Q: But on your Rambling pages, even words that are links aren’t highlighted . . . how smart do you expect me to be?
A: Hey, you found the Rambling pages . . . you’re quick enough for us already. The links you’re talking about are the real fun stuff. And as in life, the good stuff takes a bit more work. Besides, isn’t that hunt a lot more rewarding?

Q: That was a question, you were suppose to be answering, not asking.
A: Smart Ass. With that attitude, you should be working for us.