The White Wat in Chiang Rai . . .
Or
Tempermental Thai Artists

No visit to Chiang Mai would be complete without a cheesy day tour to the Golden Triangle with various stops along the way including a visit to a ‘long neck’ village. Well, actually you’d be better off passing on this excursion but I was visiting with Noom, a friend from Bangkok and it was the cheapest and easiest way to get to the Mekong, a grand desire and Significant Event in his life. We had to get up a 6 am for the tour bus and rushed breakfast (sorry but I just do not function without at least one cup of coffee in me). The nine passenger sized van arrived on time (figures the only time a Thai would be on time is when you don’t want them to be) and we were only half way through breakfast.

“Two minutes,” I lied while the guide, driver and previously picked up passengers waited for us to finish. And have a smoke. Figured the guide and driver were getting paid regardless and it turned out the previously picked up passengers were a young Russian couple . . . their country’s not even a superpower any more so fuck ‘em. (Yep, even with one cup of coffee in me I’m still a bit surly in the morning).

We drove through Chiang Mai picking up an additional three passengers: a middle aged French guy who spoke little English and looked befuddled throughout the trip and a pair of Germans guys who I’d normally detest on sight but one was of Arabic origin so I cut his buddy some slack giving him anti-Nazi points for having a nonwhite friend. Our guide for the day was Ben, a cute little Thai lesbian. The ‘Ben’ nickname was enough of a tip off, but Noom confirmed the fact after chatting with her in Thai as we headed out of town. (And then proudly announced the fact to our bus load . . . but I think between their lack of English skills and his heavy accent they missed his proclamation).

First stop: the Wonderful Hot Springs an hour away. So here’s a tip. If you take one of these tours you will stop at the hot springs. You have no choice. It’s a small geyser surrounded by souvenir stands. Thousands of them. The stop is 20 minutes long. Grab a coffee, walk back out to the road (which will cause your tour guide great concern) and head about a quarter of a mile up the road. There is a fantastic old wat built in the Cambodian style there which is far more interesting than the geyser or the souvenir stands.

Stop # 2: The White Wat (more properly known as Wat Rong Khun.) This one is about 90 minutes away. You get a half hour for this stop which is no where near enough time. I’d seen a few pixs on the internet of the temple but was totally unprepared for how magnificent it would really be. It was designed and built by a famous Thai artist (Chaloemchai Khositphiphat) and is like no other wat you’ve ever seen. Think a Dali version of Dante’s Inferno brought to life and you’ll come close. The entrance bridge hovers over pits of concrete hands reaching in supplication toward the heavens, many holding skulls (the finials on the surrounding fence are skeleton heads, too). The entire edifice is pure white; sharp angles; angry gods, demons, and serpents; spears; and more skulls all surrounded by a moat of crystalline water with numerous fountains spraying water into the air. Keanu Reeves in Matrix attire even works his way into a mural inside the temple. The large, equally Daliesque gold building off to the right of the wat turns out to be a rest room - I have no idea what drugs the guy who designed this place was on, but I want some!

There was an angry little Thai man near the entrance bridge yelling in Thai at the visitors over a megaphone. Noom told me he was telling people to quite cutting in line and also telling those who were holding up the line to take pictures of themselves to get their ass in gear. What he didn’t tell me until later (and which we failed to inform our fellow passengers about until we were back on the road) was that this guy was the artist who designed and built the place. After we’d toured the temple Noom headed for the souvenir stand and bought two rather nice post cards of the artist’s paintings for 5 baht a piece and then promptly headed back to that angry little man - who he now explained was the artist - and had him sign the cards. Which he did quite graciously and with a smile on his face.

Even if you forgo the Golden Triangle tour - go visit the White Temple just outside of Chiang Rai. It’s quite fantastic and worth the trip. And get an incredible souvenir for 5 baht . . . just don’t tell the other falang who that angry little man really is.

Another 90 minute drive and we finally arrived at the Golden Triangle and all boarded a long tail boat for a ride up to the Burma side (to see the casino) then back toward the Laos side (to see where the new casino was being built) before heading across to touch down on Laos land - a small encampment comprising, yep, you guessed it, souvenir stands. When we moored at the Laos jetty, Noom immediately sat down and put his feet in the water. Then doused his head with water three times - this confused our fellow passengers who were being herded up the wooden walk way to the souvenir stands. They kept looking back trying to figure out what was going on. After missing out on meeting the artist at the white wat on our last stop, they were feeling that perhaps Noom & I were getting a different, and much better, tour than they were, Anyway, Noom was ecstatic and having brought along a few empty water bottles to fill with Mekong water as gifts for his family, we got busy filling them.

Mission accomplished we headed up to the ‘village’ where Noom bought a bottle of Laos whiskey with a snake in it for one of his brothers. I suspiciously eyed the $3 cartons of Marlboros deciding to pass (hey, even us smokers have limits to what we’ll inhale) and we made it back to the boat with time to spare. A quick boat ride back to Thailand, fifteen minutes by van to a forgettable buffet lunch and then another ten minutes to Mae Sai and the Burma border.

I’d hoped to pick up some Burmese Jade at cheap prices to smuggle back into the U.S. (Bush banned jade from Myanmar last year when their government was killing off monks) but the prices being offered were higher than I could get in Bangkok. Ben decided she needed a break so put Noom in charge of leading our gang of tourist over to the northernmost point of Thailand (uh, that would be the border) which he quite enjoyed but also immediately got lost and led his pack through a winding maze of kitchy souvenir stands. And of course they happily followed him assuming he knew much more than they did (wrong). This was a half hour stop and we were quickly burning up time getting no where so I pointed in the general direction of north, told the group it was ‘just up that way’ and grabbed Noom to head off in the other direction abandoning them to their fate.

So Noom and I just cruised around the border town checking out the locals waiting to cross. You can cross over too, I think for $30, but the Burma side is the same as the Thai side, so why bother? Besides, we’d just finished a fake entry into Laos. He bought some vegetables for his Dad (don’t ask). And we got back to the van before the rest of our group for a change, much to suspicious looks from them and a disappointed look from me (I’d hoped we’d ditched the lot of them and could head back to Chiang Mai rather than make our next stop: the infamous Long Neck Village).

This part of the trip I was dreading. I’d visited a hill tribe ‘village’ before. They are a small enclave of huts built as souvenir stands. Too cheesy to imagine. If you get a chance - pass! But our visit wasn’t as bad as I expected because Noom, being the gregarious guy he is, happily chatted up the ethnic folk, picking out the cutest girls to have his picture taken with. He also bought a small statue of a long neck woman which was broken by the time we got back to the hotel. He threw it away saying, “No problem, can buy same in Patpong”.

Ramble On . . .

Mosey On Back . . .

Entrance To The Rabbit Hole . . .

SIGHTS OF:

The White Wat

Golden Triangle

Burma Border